Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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