A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
