fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
