just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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