Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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