Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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