i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
