Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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