How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
