Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
