goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
