Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
