she was so not down for the gang bang
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
