I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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