I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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