My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
