I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
