I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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