Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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