I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
a search helicopter?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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