Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize