look no pants
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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