I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
