Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
