I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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