Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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