the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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