...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please, let me fuck your mom
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The air was thick with penises
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
