I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We named our party play list daddy issues
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize