the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
