Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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