You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
