you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
