i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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