i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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