I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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