This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was like eating out sand paper
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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