Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
