The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
