You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i dont even know how to be here
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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