Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
