Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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