and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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