pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
