do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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