it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
