When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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