I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
