You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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