there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
